Poor Journalist Poops At Sales Job

I'm sorry that some of my Poor Journalist Gets To Business followers may be the last to learn -- I crashed and burned. I was an utter failure at becoming a saleswoman and beating the recession in Michigan by earning 57 K.The truth is, I never even got my feet off the ground. I did knock on a heck of a lot of doors, though, and I was quite charming -- even as I gained fifty pounds in six months trying to make it. People enjoyed talking to me. I just couldn't get them to say yes or no.

I learned some valuable lessons, though -- namely, it's a BUNCH harder to start a 100 percent commission sales job in the middle of a recession with not much of a warm market and no experience. Basically, it's nearly impossible. I kept taking loans from my dear old dad. And he can't afford to be giving loans to people.

So at the end of the summer I gave it up. I became an environmental activist. At about $75 per day, it pays quite a bit better than the salary of a first-year 100-percent commission saleswoman with not much experience. And I couldn't stand the thought of asking my dad or sister for another penny. Plus, it was activism for a good cause -- protecting the Great Lakes Water Basin.

On Sept. 23 I crashed my car on the interstate on my way to work and learned my car insurance had expired Sept. 6. My insurance agent had been calling me to see if I would come and sell insurance for him and I just didn't realize he also was calling me to tell me my insurance was due. The due date had recently changed and previously I had been having payments automatically deducted from my checking account. I escaped the crash without a scratch -- but it was a major wake-up call for me. My life and health had spun out of control with all the pushing and pushing to get ahead while ignoring my Multiple Sclerosis symptoms (mostly pain and fatigue but also balance and frequent need to urinate).

I prayed. Then I prayed some more. And I felt God tell me to put my health before economics. So I did. After much discernment I came to the Creative Health Institute in Hodunk Michigan for a three-month internship to become a raw food chef and learn the raw food lifestyle. It isn't something I am planning to make much money at but who knows where this path might lead me. It's just something I felt I needed to do to get back on track with my health. So far it's going great. I've been here for three weeks and been eating a 100-percent raw diet the whole time -- and learning lots of really interesting things.

That's pretty much all I have to tell you. I don't know where I am going. But I can tell you this -- even after three weeks on this diet I have new hope that I will be able to have many more options in the future. It's really true -- health should take priority over economics. Without it, we're really quite sunk.

So this concludes the Poor Journalist Gets to Business series. Thank you for following!

I am sorry to have been a bit of a disappointment.

And I invite you to check out my new blog about my raw food wellness journey at sustenance4life.blogspot.com

Thank you again for the kindness and support on this journey!

Peace be with you.

My New Blog: Sustenance

I've decided to start a new blog devoted to my journey into the raw food lifestyle. I'll probably still post here now and then but I expect much of my writing during the next three months to appear at my new blog, Sustenance.

If you would like to read the first post, go to: http://www.sustenance4life.blogspot.com/

And if you would like to become a fan of the blog on Facebook, go to: http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Sustenance-A-Raw-Food-Wellness-Journey/161526610531907.

The new blog looks better, I think, has a specific focus AND I am happy to announce that I figured out how to do hyperlinks. I think I'll have quite a bit of fun with hyperlinks in the new blog.

I hope you enjoy!

Peace to you.

Patty

Grand Slam

I picked up a copy of The Atlantic with picture of a morbidly obese Statue of Liberty as I left the office last night. We were headed to a brewery downtown. I was getting a ride home with Emily, our canvas director, and it was the first night for a few folks. Jessica had just joined our staff from Cleveland. She is on a cross train and will be with us for a few weeks. Thomas just returned from Africa and told me stories about poverty and political oppression that made my heart just weep. We shared some veggie nachos and everybody had a beer. I've been having a beer now and then as I get ready to go into the raw food community for three months starting Oct. 16. I have tons of support for this decision at Clean Water Action where I work. In fact Emily and another woman who works there each told me about blogs maintained by raw foodist friends they have. There are lots of vegetarians in Ann Arbor and lots of vegetarians in the environmentalist movement. So nobody who I work with thinks it's weird that I'm planning to become a raw foodist. They think it's pretty great. They're happy because I told them when I come back I'll make a raw food meal for everybody as a staff presentation. They thought that sounded swell and yummy.

My dad isn't happy at all, though. He's terrified. I could hear it in his voice when I spoke with him this morning. I didn't have much time to talk because I had to get the bus. I wasn't feeling well. I had to dry my jeans. I only have one pair that fits me at the moment. And I'll just be brutally honest with you hoping that this won't be too much information for anybody. I wet those jeans last night while I was fumbling for my keys in the dark. The keys were  not in my purse as I thought. They were in the first layer of my jackets. Layered jackets are normal for canvassers in fall and winter. Peeing your pants is normal for people who have Multiple Sclerosis. Seriously, I'd had only one beer. And I'd gone to the toilet just before I drank it. I don't just want a food plan that is going to help me get to a particular weight. I want a food plan that's going to reduce my Multiple Sclerosis symptoms. It's worked for other people who have this condition. I'm hopeful that it will work for me.

My dad is so upset and worried. It's really upsetting to me. This is a man who worked extremely hard to support my mother and his seven children his whole life. It wasn't always easy. A few times he had businesses fail. Once he lost a business when he had seven kids still at home. He drove two hours to work at a foundry every day to support us. He was laid off. He had to collect unemployment for awhile. He was often grumpy and difficult but he's always been there for us -- and, especially since I'm the baby, he loves to be involved in major life decisions. And the fact is, there have been many times in my life when I should have listened to him. Often my father really has known best. He didn't want me to marry my ex-husband because at 21 the man had absolutely no idea how he would support me and any children who we might have and  he seemed unconcerned about it. My father was appalled. He was correct, though. My former husband -- who is today happily married and a good partner to someone else -- was more-or-less a lazy slacker  when I married him. He wrote a nice folk song, though. So I married him -- maybe even just to spite my father. It's hard to say.

I digress. The point is, my father likes very much to be involved in major decisions and he is never happy when decisions are made without him. The first time I bought a car without taking him with me to test drive it, he was quite choked up. I kid you not. I hadn't even foreseen this as an issue. He just likes being on board with everything and being relied upon, I suppose. And the thing is, he does support decisions when I make them. He and mom came to the wedding, for instance, even though they had seriously suggested that I should consider eloping and not put my family through the whole ordeal. They were good to my ex and learned to love him. My family's pretty good that way. I shock them sometimes but they ultimately love what I love when they see me being happy.

When I was younger, it didn't bother me so much to upset my father. The fact is, I sort of thrived upon it. I suppose it was a way of getting attention or something. I don't know. I've often considered shocking people to be a vocation of sorts -- or at least a responsibility of birth order (being the caboose and all). My big sister and I have polar-opposite personalities. She keeps an immaculate home and  has the most perfect-looking children you can imagine. She's a nurse anesthetist. I'm still transitioning into something from newspaper journalism and all my life I've struggled to keep my surroundings from  looking like a bit of a war zone. My oldest sister hosts most holiday meals. I do the relish tray and sometimes they even let me mash the potatoes. I make really great gravy, too. But you know -- my big sisters do the important things. I've sometimes joked that my nurse anesthetist sister puts people to sleep and I wake them up. I have a sassy streak, I'll admit it. It's quite a bit of fun sometimes.

But I'm not trying to be sassy or rebellious with this raw food thing. And now that my father is an 80-year-old man with a host of health problems, the very last thing I want to do is shock him or upset him or worry him. He's not trying to be controlling. He sounded so sad this morning it made my heart break.

"Patty," he said. "I HAVE to talk to you about this raw food thing. You have to let me talk to you. This is an extremely dangerous road you are traveling down and have to hear me out."

I was trying to get to the bus and I had to dry my pants and I seriously didn't have time to talk then. I asked him what time he would be up in the morning and he told me he would be ready by 10 a.m. He sleeps in pretty late these days because he stays up watching television and he doesn't fall to sleep easily. I worry about him all alone in that house with his cigarettes and junk food. But he likes living alone. He's very stubborn. He doesn't like anybody messing with anything. But also there is a part of me that knows he would love to have me live there -- as long as I could fill the ice cube trays correctly and avoid using his dishwasher because he's afraid I don't pack it well and will break it.

I told him I would call him at 10 a.m. and then I felt so sad. My dad isn't on board with me on this raw food thing. He's frankly fairly terrified. I could hear it in his voice. When I went to work at a mission school in Southeastern Kentucky in my early twenties my parents were extremely upset -- but that experience and the paper I wrote about it received great praise from my professors and was instrumental in landing me my best jobs. It troubled my mother so much,though, that she asked me not to write her letters telling her what actually was going on down there (the National Guard was in the middle of a seven-county pot bust and guardsmen were rappelling out of helicopters into the Daniel Boone National Forrest just across the street from my house). My mother was just beside herself that I had gone to live with the hillbillies -- genuinely, I think she thought I might not come out alive. It was as if I had gone to war.

I felt especially upset about worrying my dad because when I had talked to him Monday morning (the first time I had talked to him since I smashed up my car and realized my insurance had lapsed) he told me he was sending me a check for $150 mail to cover the cost of towing my car -- and he told me he wanted me to call around and get some good people out to my house to give me estimates for my car. He doesn't want me to get some crazy guy from down the street who fixes cars on the side. He wants me to talk to people from legitimate garages and get them to tell me how much it is going to cost to fix my car. My father knows more about cars and money than I know. So I think I need to surrender control in this area and follow through with what my father asks of me. He certainly has my best interest in mind.

But when it comes to nutrition and health, my father probably really does not know best. Let's face it. My father is a chain-smoking-eighty-year-old man whose kitchen counters would rival the snack aisle at any small grocery store. I haven't been over there in awhile. He lives an hour and a half away and I've been pinching pennies -- and now I don't have a reliable car. But if I were to guess what I might find exposed this afternoon on my father's counter, I could pretty accurately say Lorna Doones, Cracker Jacks, Butterfingers, gum drops, Hersey bars, peanut brittle, potato strings, honey-roasted nuts, Junior Mints, orange slices, lemon drops and bakery bread. God love him, my father is the healthiest chain smoking, junk-food-eating eighty-year-old alive. I love that man but he is not someone from whom I can glean health suggestions. A few years ago my dad was still at the lake home he and my mom and lived at after he retired. Dad had chest pains and figured he might be having a heart attack so he ought to drive himself to the hospital which was more than an hour away. But God love my father, he didn't drive straight to the hospital like most people would if they were in the middle of a heart attack. My father stopped at Denny's for a Grand Slam. When my siblings and I visited him at the hospital later we asked him why he did such a thing. He told us he knew he wouldn't get anything good to eat in the hospital and he'd probably have to be there quite awhile. I think they kept him a few days. He's been in the hospital a few times for heart issues.

God love my father. I sure do. The thing is, Dad and I are in different situations. He is retired from General Motors and has good insurance. He won't go bankrupt if he goes to the hospital for a heart event. I suppose he can take it easy with that sort of stuff. He'd probably just as soon get to heaven and see my mother as he would stay behind and see us kids. It's not like he's trying to kill himself. It's just that he's not going to deny himself the little pleasures of this world. I get it. I respect it. But I don't have any insurance. And I don't want to file papers to become "certifiably disabled" so that I can qualify for things like public health insurance and social security. Doing something like that would be that would be the death of me. Seriously, I'm not ready to live a life like that and I don't expect I ever will be.  My path is different from my father's path. With extremely limited access to medical care, a chronic health condition and an eating disorder, I need to be painstaking and somewhat extreme about the decisions I make with regard to dieting.

The twelve step way isn't working for me. I've been going up and down, up and down for five years. Now I'm twenty pounds heavier than I've been in ten years. So I am going to try this Raw Food thing. I have to try it. I feel like God put it in my path. I've talked to others who have tried it and they've encouraged me. All of the people who I have spoken with who have tried it recommend it. Some of them switched into something else or modified their diets after a time -- but everybody who I spoke with said they benefited from delving into the raw food diet. One lady had a severe allergic reaction to wheatgrass juice. She broke out in hives and became extremely ill from it. Despite that she says she felt great when she was following a raw food diet.

My father's worries were a lot to handle today. But on top of that, I received a phone call from one of the most prominent eating-disorder gurus in the United States -- probably in the world. She follows a modified twelve-step approach, runs a treatment center and has published popular books about eating disorders. Wow! And she called me today! I feel very loved. I guess the director of the treatment center I had been at a few years ago recommended me to her. He probably personally called her to tell her about me. Wow. Can you imagine such love and support in your life? No kidding, I am not only well loved. I am well loved by some AMAZING people and I am so grateful. I swear to you, I am so, so grateful.

I didn't actually talk to the eating disorder guru today. Her call went to voicemail. I just couldn't believe it when I heard her voice right in there on my personal voicemail. She said, hello, this is XXX XXXX and I understand that you could use some help with your abstinence and I might be able to help you out. Amazing grace. Seriously, I am one lucky lady.

But here's the thing. I have tried her food plan in the past. It is a good food plan. It is more specific than other food plans I have tried. But at the end of the day, I still feel it on my heart to try this raw foods thing. It's hard to imagine turning down help from a nationally renown eating disorder specialist. But this Creative Health Institute gig that would provide me with a three-month-raw-food internship is pretty amazing, too.

When I began this post I was quite decided that the raw foods way would be best for me. But it disturbs me to think of turning down the help of a national expert -- even though I have tried and failed so many times following approaches very similar to hers and even following her specific approach.

So I contacted my friends who pray and asked them to pray that I receive a firm confirmation that the raw foods lifestyle is the direction God desires for me. I feel in my heart that is true -- but since I am not feeling especially well and since I am under stress, I don't want to act out in a reactionary way. I want to make a considerate decision, weighing all of my options. But really, really, really I WANT GOD TO SPEAK in this situation. I want crystal clarity.

A friend who is also the mother of one of my best friends and the mother of eight other children e-mailed me and said I should not concern myself too much with what my family feels about my decision because they are just afraid because it is something so new to them. She suggested I consider what I want to do. She told me to imagine myself sailing on the water on a perfect day with peacefulness surrounding the boat. I have taken her family sailing -- but not lately. This summer I was too overworked and overweight to enjoy sailing. I have not felt well. All I really want is to feel well again. I loved the idea of imagining myself in a boat. I imagined how wonderful it felt to sail when I was 145 pounds. I recalled capsizing and having the energy to recover from the spill and get right back in and keep sailing. I breathed. And I imagined myself doing the raw food diet.

I'm very attracted to the raw food life. But I am going to pray and meditate about this some more before I make a final decision.

So last night when we were splitting up the check at the microbrewery, the woman who is cross-training from Cleveland explained that her grocery needs would be few until Friday when she gets paid. She'll just get a jar of peanut butter and some bread. That will get her through the week. She's in her twenties, an avid bicyclist and a dancer. I regretted for a minute that I couldn't be so nonchalant about food. The truth is, though, I  have a very strong reaction to some foods -- bread and peanut butter among them. Once I start eating them my body reacts in such a crazy way. It's just exactly like an alcoholic who tries to drink one beer. Trying to live on a loaf of bread and jar of peanut butter really messes me up. I've tried it a number of times. But there's always free food all over the place -- opportunities to eat everywhere you turn in the United States.

So I am praying for clarity and I am not exactly sure where God is leading me. But this I do know for certain. I am not a twenty-something dancer who can just get buy with a loaf of bread and peanut butter. And that's not because I am a weak person or because I lack willpower. It's because there is something very different about the way my body reacts to many foods. Just like that woman who got hives from the wheatgrass -- my body responds very differently to many foods. And over the years this food sensitivity has become progressively worse.

Decisions

It was great to get out of town this weekend. I made waves in my family before I left. I hurt people's feelings by mentioning in my blog that I do not have support in my family for my Multiple Sclerosis. I am sorry to have hurt people's feelings.

The fact is, I have not had support in the way people would hope to have support -- but I do not blame anybody in my life for that. People love me but they are busy with their own lives. The fact is, I have wonderful friends and family members who love me and often are able to give me support in ways that I find surprising and undeserved. But when it comes to having a chronic illness, I have felt very much alone. Probably some married people who have chronic health conditions feel this way, too. It is just a fact. And that is why I decided I needed a little space to think about things. I needed to make some serious decisions about my health without people who are not able to be very available to me for various legitimate reasons expressing to me opinions about major decisions in my life.

I very happy that I made this decision to go to the Creative Health Institute and to take on the Raw Foods Diet and I suspect the decision might not have been so easy for me if I had consulted with my family about their opinions before I made the decision and became accepted into the internship program. I could have handled it more gracefully, I am certain. But I suspect anybody with ruffled feathers forgive me a lack of grace considering I was in a fair amount of crisis and only trying to rely on the one person upon whom I can always depend -- myself.

It's a little bit frightening for me to think about what might happen to my car now and whether or not I  might end up in some crazy debt. But I am glad to have put my health before the car situation. It is really logical financially when you think about it. I guess I owe about $9,000 on that car and I will be paying for it for another four years. I bet I could get it repaired pretty well for about $2,000 -- maybe even a little bit cheaper. In fact, maybe I'll go all crazy and sign up with my friends Carey and Jim for a a car class at the Washtenaw Rec Center next winter and figure out how to do the work myself. That would be a crazy adventure. I have guy friend who had hinted to me that I should take a car repair class a few years ago and I have to admit to you, I was extremely against it. It just seemed so unfeminine. But on the other hand, it could be an interesting way to meet nice guys (I have a guy friend who joined a book club with a bunch of women following his divorce and he received TONS of attention). So there there is certainly a possibility that I could do something crazy like that -- take a car class and become more self sufficient or something (I do suppose they make pink tool belts... Or I could just sew something myself in a floral pattern).

I am not sure WHAT I will do about the car, exactly. My main goal is to work like crazy in the next two weeks to earn as much money at Clean Water Action as possible so that I will have money to cover the car payments while I am at the Creative Health Institute. I'm certainly all fired up to canvas like crazy after attending a national canvasser's conference in Kentucky over the weekend.

But going back to dollars and cents: It was a smart economic decision for me to put health first, I see that very clearly now. For $400 I will get extensive training for three months about the raw foods lifestyle. It would cost me about $5,000 to get just one of the sophisticated MRIs my neurologist orders from the University of Michigan. Fortunately he is the head of MS research at the University of Michigan so he has been able to put me in studies and get me free MRIs in the past. But if my health were to deteriorate suddenly (which is not unrealistic for a forty-four-year old who gains fifty pounds in six months -- regardless of whether or not they have a chronic illness) and if I were to go to the hospital for some reason, I could expect that with my condition, no insurance and the expensive tests involved, I could very easily rack up a $10,000 medical bill. Medical expenses add up super fast. I know that. They were the main reason why I went bankrupt a few years ago.

So I am just going to trust that everything will work out with my car at some point and that I will be able to pay it off and drive it again in the future. And I am going to trust that my family will understand how much I love them and get over any hurt feelings that might have resulted from my reclusive decision making.

And I am going to put all of my energy into doing a great job these next two weeks with Clean Water Action and getting ready to go to the Creative Health Institute for a new health experience.

I'm really grateful that I'll have a job with Clean Water Action when I am finished at the Creative Health Institute.

Yay! I get to go...

My Cookie Monster Days appear numbered -- perhaps done for good (although I'll be honest and admit I'll probably eat a cookie or two during the next few days. That's natural when a person is on the verge of trying a very new lifestyle)

Yay!

I have been accepted as an intern at the Creative Health Institute for three months starting Oct. 16. I'm super excited about it and also very grateful.

Thanks so much everybody for the prayers and support. This is actually all part of my career transition. I need to be healthy if I am going to be effective. I'm so grateful for my friends Emily and Greg at Clean Water Action and for their support and understanding about why I need to do this. They are graciously holding my job for me when I come back and I'm happy for their flexibility. I love Clean Water Action and I look forward to leaving with Emily and some of the staff for a trip to Kentucky this weekend. We are going to a canvasser's convention at a state park. There will be canvassers from all over the United States -- people who canvas on all different issues. It should be extremely inspirational and I am really looking forward to it.

I don't expect to get my car fixed before I go to the center. I am looking for a place to store it close to where I live in Ypsilanti. If anybody has a yard or a garage in Ypsilanti where I can keep car through Mid-January, please let me know. I can't afford to get it fixed right now but it isn't exactly an eyesore. Well... not EXACTLY an eyesore. ;-). Seriously, it doesn't look all that bad. It's probably drivable but I  don't want to drive it more than a mile or so.

Also, I am looking for someplace in Washtenaw County to store a few things -- books, clothes, bookshelves, a wardrobe. Everything I need to store currently fits in half of one medium-sized bedroom. So if you know of someone in Washtenaw County who wouldn't mind letting me keep it in a garage or basement for a few months, please let me know.

Finally, I am going to try to do some paintings while I am at the center. I was very happy last summer to sell a sailing painting for $200 to a friend from Open Salon. I hope to paint more pictures and when I do I will post them here in case anybody would like to buy them.  Don't buy the paintings that I post just to be nice -- not unless you really want them. But I do encourage everyone in this economy to consider buying original artwork for birthday and Christmas presents. It's a very nice way to support the arts and the economy in general.

I do have a few paintings I would be happy to sell now, though, in case anybody is interested. Here is a link to the cyber sale I had a few months ago on Facebook. http://www.facebook.com/#!/album.php?aid=195017&id=364775722055&ref=mf. I know it's very hard to believe, but most of these fine items are still for sale. Given that I am moving soon and trying to preserve space, and also in need of money, I will be happy to negotiate the price on anything that you are interested in purchasing. :-). Mostly, I thought people would like the paintings.

Thanks again for the prayers and support. I can't wait to really go RAW!

Oh, and here is a link to a cool Raw Foods blog in case you are interested. http://www.rawissexy.com/ This blog is done by the childhood friend of Emily Woodcock who I work with at Clean Water Action. She is pretty much my boss -- but not very bossy.



Waiting

Someone recently was talking to me about burning ships, starting a completely new life and burning the ships and leaving the old life behind

I imagine that if I get into the Creative Health Institute it will be something like that with regard to my diet. I do think there is great value in the 12 Step philosophy and my hope would be to settle in as a grateful member of Alanon so that I can work the steps around my life in general, not just the food. Of course any 12-stepper knows it has really nothing to do with any particular addiction. Whether a person is an alcoholic or a food addict or a gambling addict or whatever, the path is pretty much the same.

So that is my hope -- to work the steps around my life in general and to do this raw food diet. I got a start on it yesterday. I had a salad that was mostly raw for lunch and ate a raw dinner and breakfast two. I slipped and had a few pops later in the day.

This morning my breakfast wasn't raw at all. It wasn't full of meat, though. And it wasn't greasy.

I'm just hoping and praying to get into the Creative Health Institute to learn really how to do this raw foods things the right way and to be in a community of support while I do it. It's a huge step. It's been pretty emotional for me to come to this decision in my life.

I know I've been revealing a bit more of myself in the process of coming to this decision. Some people think it's been too much information. Some people wish I would just stay focused on the career.

But for me, this is about my career. I really won't be very effective at working for two many more years if I don't get this diet business taken care of for good.

So I am hopeful, excited... and also worried that they won't take me for some reason or another. That is a natural worry. I am just going to call there and see how they are coming with the applications they are processing.

Privacy

One of my friends and blog readers wrote to say she thinks I am putting too much private information in my blog and that she worries it isn't a good idea. She said she thinks it might be better to write some of the things I have shared in a private journal.

This morning I actually woke up feeling the same thing.

I know many people are struggling with financial, romantic and health issues just like me -- and many are in the middle of career transitions, too.

This friend happens to be very supportive of my decision to switch to raw foods. She has struggled her whole life with eating issues just as I have and like me she has tried very hard to eat in a manner that will keep her weight in balance. The note was very thoughtfully put and I appreciate it.

A funny thing about blogging is that it's like a diary -- but a public diary. I'm not always a good judge of what to say and what not to say. But I do need to write every day. I have for most of my life. The blog has become a window to my journal, I suppose.

The thing is health and relationships and career transitions are always related, aren't they? It seems every decision we make in life is interwoven. I'm not ashamed of anything I've written or anything I've done. I believe in my heart I'm always trying to do what's best for myself and others. But maybe it isn't so good to write in public about certain things.

So I have decided to just keep the blog related to career decisions right now. I am planning to adopt the raw food lifestyle. I had apples and tea for breakfast. I really don't have much in the way of raw foods at the moment. It's a little bit trickier to plan groceries without a car. But it will all work out; I am certain of that.

And I am very hopeful that I will get an internship fairly soon with the Creative Health Institute. They may want me to get totally raw before I go there, so I've no idea how long it will take to get in. But I've set my sights on it and I will keep everybody posted on it.

I'm looking forward to canvassing today for Clean Water Action. I'm happy I have the health today to do that. My desire is to not just maintain the health I have today but to maximise it. I will blog about the transition to raw foods as it seems relevant. My thinking is that it will be quite relevant because it will effect my life a great deal by giving me more energy.

I am very much looking forward to having more energy.

One thing I do feel a little bit sad about is my father. He is eighty years old and his health is not good at all and he has helped me out so much in the past years. I love my dad very much and I do not feel I could have asked for a better dad. I feel sad that he lives by himself now. One of my sisters lives very near by. But I just do not want people to think that because I feel it is not healthy to live with him at this time that he is a bad father. That isn't true at all.

The problem is that I am making big changes in my life and learning something completely new. And with piles of cake and cookies all over his kitchen I just don't think it would be a good situation for me. Also, I would have to give up my job at Clean Water Action if I went to live with my dad.

So all of these decisions are related somehow. If I go to the Creative Health Institute it is very likely to become not just a lifestyle but a career opportunity. People who live this life generally become teachers of this lifestyle and help others to eat this way, too.

Anyway, I am sorry if I gave anybody any bad impressions about my family or anybody else. My family is an excellent family. It's just difficult sometimes to make a big change. Probably I was projecting my own insecurities onto my family. I love those people. They love me.

And I suspect everybody's much more in my corner than I imagined. So I'll give them a call today and we'll work everything out.