Decisions

It was great to get out of town this weekend. I made waves in my family before I left. I hurt people's feelings by mentioning in my blog that I do not have support in my family for my Multiple Sclerosis. I am sorry to have hurt people's feelings.

The fact is, I have not had support in the way people would hope to have support -- but I do not blame anybody in my life for that. People love me but they are busy with their own lives. The fact is, I have wonderful friends and family members who love me and often are able to give me support in ways that I find surprising and undeserved. But when it comes to having a chronic illness, I have felt very much alone. Probably some married people who have chronic health conditions feel this way, too. It is just a fact. And that is why I decided I needed a little space to think about things. I needed to make some serious decisions about my health without people who are not able to be very available to me for various legitimate reasons expressing to me opinions about major decisions in my life.

I very happy that I made this decision to go to the Creative Health Institute and to take on the Raw Foods Diet and I suspect the decision might not have been so easy for me if I had consulted with my family about their opinions before I made the decision and became accepted into the internship program. I could have handled it more gracefully, I am certain. But I suspect anybody with ruffled feathers forgive me a lack of grace considering I was in a fair amount of crisis and only trying to rely on the one person upon whom I can always depend -- myself.

It's a little bit frightening for me to think about what might happen to my car now and whether or not I  might end up in some crazy debt. But I am glad to have put my health before the car situation. It is really logical financially when you think about it. I guess I owe about $9,000 on that car and I will be paying for it for another four years. I bet I could get it repaired pretty well for about $2,000 -- maybe even a little bit cheaper. In fact, maybe I'll go all crazy and sign up with my friends Carey and Jim for a a car class at the Washtenaw Rec Center next winter and figure out how to do the work myself. That would be a crazy adventure. I have guy friend who had hinted to me that I should take a car repair class a few years ago and I have to admit to you, I was extremely against it. It just seemed so unfeminine. But on the other hand, it could be an interesting way to meet nice guys (I have a guy friend who joined a book club with a bunch of women following his divorce and he received TONS of attention). So there there is certainly a possibility that I could do something crazy like that -- take a car class and become more self sufficient or something (I do suppose they make pink tool belts... Or I could just sew something myself in a floral pattern).

I am not sure WHAT I will do about the car, exactly. My main goal is to work like crazy in the next two weeks to earn as much money at Clean Water Action as possible so that I will have money to cover the car payments while I am at the Creative Health Institute. I'm certainly all fired up to canvas like crazy after attending a national canvasser's conference in Kentucky over the weekend.

But going back to dollars and cents: It was a smart economic decision for me to put health first, I see that very clearly now. For $400 I will get extensive training for three months about the raw foods lifestyle. It would cost me about $5,000 to get just one of the sophisticated MRIs my neurologist orders from the University of Michigan. Fortunately he is the head of MS research at the University of Michigan so he has been able to put me in studies and get me free MRIs in the past. But if my health were to deteriorate suddenly (which is not unrealistic for a forty-four-year old who gains fifty pounds in six months -- regardless of whether or not they have a chronic illness) and if I were to go to the hospital for some reason, I could expect that with my condition, no insurance and the expensive tests involved, I could very easily rack up a $10,000 medical bill. Medical expenses add up super fast. I know that. They were the main reason why I went bankrupt a few years ago.

So I am just going to trust that everything will work out with my car at some point and that I will be able to pay it off and drive it again in the future. And I am going to trust that my family will understand how much I love them and get over any hurt feelings that might have resulted from my reclusive decision making.

And I am going to put all of my energy into doing a great job these next two weeks with Clean Water Action and getting ready to go to the Creative Health Institute for a new health experience.

I'm really grateful that I'll have a job with Clean Water Action when I am finished at the Creative Health Institute.