Monday, September 27, 2010

Bozo On The Bus

So today I'm going to be just another bozo on the bus quite literally. I'm taking the bus to work. It will pick me up just a ten minute's walk from my house at 11:36 a.m. and drop me right in downtown Ann Arbor, about ten minute's walk from the Clean Water Action office at 12:15 p.m. Since I don't have to be to work until 1:30 p.m., that gives me a nice cushion, in case something goes wrong. There's lots of road construction all over the place these days, so there's a pretty good chance that something will go wrong. Much of the construction is due to the fact that Michigan is getting a bunch of stinking traffic circles. They are supposed to be environmentally friendly as studies were done to prove they reduce auto emmissions. However, just between me and you, I think they're a death trap. Seriously, I really don't care for the combination of traffic circles and Michigan drivers. If we had all been required to go to some sort of seminars before they launched this mission of instituting traffic circles, things might go OK. But they didn't. And Michigan drivers are unlike any other drivers in the world. Michigan drivers have a strong sense of entitlement. We build the cars here in Michigan. Our grandparents built the cars here in Michigan. And Michiganians damn well feel they have a right to drive them -- as fast as possible without interfearance from the traffic authorities. Traffic circles might be a good idea in other states. I recall a big traffic circle in the greater Chicago area and it was never a problem at all. People in Illinois seem more equipped to adjust to these innovations. But here in Michigan, I'm telling you, not so much. You wouldn't believe the hostility I've experienced in traffic circles. So many type-
A drivers, so little time, so little clue on how to yield and read the managarie of road signs and arrows. I'm telling you, all these traffic circles in Michigan are going to be a huge disaster. Someone ought to start the casualty report now. They're going to be a major death trap. In fact, I bet they probably are already.

So, anyway, I guess it might be for the best that I'm taking the bus, with all these traffic circles happening all over the place. Geoff Larcom takes the bus nowadays -- and City Hall is named after his father. He's been raving about it in his Facebook status updates. All sorts of people are taking the bus these days. They've got a campaign. Smiling Ann Arborites in soft focus on billboards all over the place. They oughta get Larcom on there. He'd be a great poster child for public transportation. Geesh.

My nephew, Joe, texted me yesterday. "How do you like the bus?" he asked.
"I haven't taken it yet," I said. "I've been getting rides."
There was a pause in texting.
"I'm taking it tomorrow."
"You're going to love it!" he texted back.

Joe hasn't been driving for several months. He ran into some financial difficulties, too, when he bottomed out with his alcoholism. He told me it's OK to blog about it. He's doing wonderfully, now -- a huge inspiration. Recovering alcoholics are some of the most amazing people in the world and I'm amazingly proud of my nephew. No kidding -- the guy is amazing. I never would have imagined he had such a problem. I suspected something was wrong. But no kidding, he was really suffering. Thank God he's doing so great now. It inspires me to take care of my health, too.

I did send off the resume to the Creative Health Institute. I'm planning to call them today before I hop on the bus to see if they got it. I'll keep you posted.

Well, I guess I better pack my lunch and get ready for the bus. I do enjoy people watching and I have enjoyed public transportation in other places where I have lived. But in Michigan it hasn't ever seemed as convenient. Part of that is simply a frame of mind; I'll admit it. Michiganians are the only people in the world who will get in a car and drive to the corner store to get a loaf of bread. Seriously, we do that here. We're incorrigible when it comes to driving. It's a cultural thing.

The only thing I wish is that they'd keep the bus running until at least Midnight. You know? I'm going to have to get ride home from work from someone who lives in Ypsilanti because the bus stops running before I get off work.

How do you like the way I used the singular form of bus throughout this report, incidentally? I thought it was pretty clever. I've never in my life been able to remember which busses is the vehicle and which buses is the kisses. I am pretty sure the kisses have two eses. But this is just me living life without an editor. It's fun most of the time but every now and then it gets a bit dicey.

(P.S. I ran spell check and I'm pretty sure now that busses are kisses as it was flagged. But I wanted to let you know that Spell Check is incorrect in its suggestion that I change Michiganians to Michiganders. The Associated Press decided more than ten years ago that Michiganians was much better due to the fact that feminists might feel excluded from the gender-specific inclusion of ganders in reference to the populace of our fine state. No kidding. It's a truth. Look it up.)

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