Sunday, September 26, 2010

Hamster No More

Before I go to sleep tonight I plan to send a resume to the Creative Health Institute in Hodunk, Michigan (incidentally, a Battle Creek Enquirer columnist once walked from Hodunk to Podunk Michigan and wrote a really great column about it) to inquire about a three-month internship there.

Thank you, Lois, for the Webmed article. I am once again having trouble with my comments feature on the Google Blog. I actually have read quite a lot about the Raw Food Diet and I have eaten quite a few meals at the Creative Health Institute so I have a pretty good idea what it is about. I do not look upon it as a cure for my Multiple Sclerosis.  I do look upon it as a way to maximise my energy and stamina and keep my weight in balance -- and also, it will routinely expose me to lots of antioxidents. That's a good thing. I have gone through vegetarian phases in my life. It's no big deal to me. I like vegetarian food. I've also gone through periods of eating mostly raw foods. I know that my body loves sprouts and wheatgrass juice and lots and lots of the things they eat there. In addition, I am pretty anal about not losing too much weight. (especially now that I am getting older... it makes for unflattering wrinkles and stretchy skin). Although I have suffered from compulsive exercising phases and body image issues at different times in my life,  I've never ever been underweight. Not ever. I have been at the low end of my weight-range, though. And I loved it and my nutritionists and doctors (who I can no longer afford to see) thought it was very healthy for me. I had more energy than I'd ever had in my life (incidentally, I was at that phase just five years ago and in a way it feels like yesterday and in another way it feels like a million years ago), I've talked to other people who live with Multiple Sclerosis who are physically active and they agree that their energy level increases dramatically if they are on the thin side.

I received a nice e-mail from my sister, Kelly today, too. Kelly and her husband, Dan, helped me out when I was trying to break into the insurance business by giving me cash loans they did not expect to be paid back. They are very generous and I know they would give me more money if I asked for it. But I do not feel that borrowing more money from my family is a good idea for me at this time. It is starting to become a pattern and I don't like it. Until I lost my job at the Ann Arbor News in 2005, I was never a money borrower. Anyway, Kelly didn't have an opinion one way or another about the raw food idea and I was happy for that. But she did encourage me to exercise at least thirty minutes a day to keep my energy up. I agree with her. Exercise is really important. That is one reason why I really like working for Clean Water Action. I like the fact that I actually get to walk to do the work. And actually, I have felt a bit healthier since starting that job.

But the fact is -- I am sitting here approaching the winter in Michigan fifty pounds heavier than I was last year, still having a Multiple Sclerosis diagnosis and not having money to fix my recently smashed car and pay  my rent. This is not the first time I have been in a situation like this since I lost my job at the newspaper. Life has been really chaotic. I definitely have had health struggles with the eating disorder and the Multiple Sclerosis. I have tried the 12-Step eating program again and again and again and I keep gaining and losing thirty pounds -- now it is fifty. So this is what I am going to pursue next.

I am looking forward to it. I think my body will respond very well to learning a new  way of eating. I am not sure when I will go to the center but I do believe in my heart that it will be fairly soon. I will see what opportunities they have and talk it over with Emily and Greg at Clean Water Action to find out what will work for them. After I have finished the internship I will plan to come back to Ann Arbor and work at Clean Water Action some more -- assuming that they will welcome me back. I suspect they will be supportive of me doing something to get my health in better order. It is obvious to anybody who has known me for several years (and Emily and Greg have known me for five years) that my health and stamina have deteriorated quite a bit.

It might not have been the best idea to blog about this before talking to Emily and Greg. But I suspect they will understand. Emily is actually the one who put he raw food idea in my head. I am excited about it but a bit nervous about how everything will work out with keeping my job and learning the techniques.

But I am just going to trust today that everything will work out.

P.S. I  hope I didn't offend any of my blog readers with my glamorous back shot. I had taken it as my avatar on Facebook for a little while, too. But then I realized it might be a bit provocative.

P.P.S. In case I didn't make this clear -- I feel that God has given me a very CLEAR message to get my health in order first and the rest will follow -- even economic security. And I do plan to pay back my sister and her husband and my father as well. I have never been a lazy person or a slacker and I have many, many projects in the works that can eventually generate income. But if I don't have the stamina to complete those projects in addition to working to earn a basic living, I'll never be able to pay anybody back or get ahead at all. So the bottom line is, I just had it backwards, God showed me that. Putting economics before health was causing me to spin like a hamster on a wheel.


  1. I hope this works out for you. Your diet (what you eat, not that you lose weight) was my biggest concern, after safety, about you living in the homeless shelter.