Thursday, September 9, 2010

Bruce Patterson's Mustache and Me

Glossary of canvassing terms:
Rap: The conversation you have at a door.
Contact: The person you speak to at a door.
Turf: The neighborhood or area in which you work.
Burb: The van or suburban vehicle that delivers you to turf.

Tuesday was a primo day with Clean Water Action -- just loved it. The BEST THING was I got to be the driver -- and I got to drive Bruce Patterson's Mustache.

Loved it, such a gas. Some of you are now wondering who Bruce Patterson is and what his moustache has to do with anything and why was I driving Bruce Patterson's Moustache and HOW WAS I DRIVING BRUCE PATTERSON'S MOUSTACHE and what's the price of tea in China anyway!!!

Well, the good news is -- oh curious readers -- I'm here to tell you all about it, just sitting here with a cup a joe and my poodle throw in my snugly jammies about to tell you the whole story. Yay for me. Yay for you.

Bruce Patterson is a Michigan State Senator. I think his voting record with regard to the Great Lakes leaves something to be desired. But the man has quite a fine moustache. I mean seriously, if you're going to wear a moustache, whey the heck not WEAR A MOUSTACHE!!!!! You've got to respect a man who goes so far over the top with facial hair styling. He's committed to that moustache, Bruce Patterson, no doubt about it.

So now you know about Bruce, and his fine white feeler.

(There are a paltry number of options for the person seeking a synonym for the word moustache, incidentally as evidenced by this entry from the Third Edition of Roget's 21st Century Thesaurus Online...

Main Entry: hair
Part of Speech: noun
Definition: threadlike growth on animate being
Synonyms: beard, bristle, cilium, coiffure, cowlick, cut, down, eyebrow, eyelash, feeler, fiber, filament, fluff, fringe, frizzies, fur, grass, haircut, hairstyle, lock, mane, mop, moustache , quill, ruff, shock, sideburn, split ends, strand, thatch, tress, tuft, vibrissa, villus, whiskers, wig, wool
Notes: hair is any of the cylindrical filaments characteristically growing from the epidermis of a mammal; a hare is a large, long-eared and long-legged rabbit; an heir is a person who is entitled by law or by the terms of a will to inherit the estate of another.)

I digress...

Back to what you're really wondering; that is: HOW WAS I DRIVING BRUCE PATTERSON'S MOUSTACHE?

Well, that's the thing about Clean Water Action. It's a strange place that transports me to magical lands with lawn gnomes, the Blessed Mother and more configurations of cement deer than you could possibly imagine. And how do canvassers such as myself get transported to this magical land we call turf? By way of Bruce Patterson's Moustache and Lima and Frank.

We name the vehicles we take to turf, the "burbs." We have a big green vehicle called Lima because it looks like a lima bean.We have a smaller tan burb called Frank (I don't recall why) and, of course, we have the enormous, well-used, white cargo van affectionately known as Bruce Patterson's Moustache for its prominent size and bright whiteness.

Sweet, isn't it? I knew you'd love it too.

So, I wasn't certain how much I would actually enjoy driving a menagerie of canvassers through the Greater Detroit Metropolitan Area. It's quite a lot of responsibility. But when I was asked to submit my driver's license information to enable Clean Water Action to add me to its insurance policy, I felt happy immediately as I always enjoy taking on new responsibilities and challenges. I thought I might be nervous, however. But I wasn't all that nervous. It was so much fun. Eric Keller (Who is actually ten minutes older than his twin brother, Rob Keller. I stand corrected from the 17-minute statement I wrote in my last report) was the field manager and sat up front with me, adjusting the radio (an important job), navigating and running raps and informative conversations with the menagerie of canvassers as I drove from Ann Arbor to St. Claire Shores.

Seems everybody liked my driving, too. They said so. They even clapped. Yay! I just love positive affirmations.

So I guess I'll be driving quite often now. It's nice to have a new responsibility. Oh and in addition to getting to drive Bruce Patterson's Moustache, I canvassed canal turf for the first time ever. That was sweet. People were extremely supportive and I had nice long conversations with them about our water issues. One lovely couple invited me in to sit for quite awhile. He is a retired surgeon. They are fox hunters and collectors of some wonderful paintings. The minute I walked in the front door I was quite struck by one painting in particular. I will post a picture of it that I took with my camera phone. Unfortunately, once again, I left the scrap of paper with the artist's name and the title at the Clean Water Action office. I hope you can appreciate it for what it is.

Just beautiful.

1 comment:

  1. Is there, per chance, a monetary bonus for driving the mustache?